Luke's Memoir's ch 9
by timlar08
Summary: Luke meets up with Kevin in the Hospital Cafe. Luke is seeing Dr. Evans for therapy sessions
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 9

After what seemed like a long time before I could ever sleep in the same bedroom that Reid and I shared for a long time, it really and truly felt wonderful to finally be able to sleep on my new bed in my newly redecorated bedroom. It isn't that I didn't want to sleep in our bedroom after Reid passed away but, I would be looking at the same color on the walls, the same drapes that hung in the windows; virtually everything would still be the same except for Reid. So, by redecorating the bedroom, I'm putting the past behind me and moving on with my future. I know that Reid isn't here physically but, he will always be in my heart.

I finally made my way out of bed even though, I didn't really want to but, I had to get on with my days since I have an extremely busy day ahead of me today at the hospital filled with meetings galore and not to mention setting up my next session with Dr. Evans. Even though, our first session was just an initial start it will be quite a relief to talk to her about all of this unwanted baggage that I've been carrying around with me all these years. I seem to remember once that my mom tried to get me to go see a therapist to talk about my feelings but, I just thought that it was just a crock of bull. Now that I've matured a little I realize the importance counseling can have.

Before I went to my first meeting of the day, I called Dr. Evans to set up our next session she tells me that she has an opening for later this evening at 6:00 p.m. I told her that 6:00 p.m. would be just fine and, I'm really looking forward to meeting with Dr. Evans once again.

I was in between meetings so, I went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. I was looking around the cafeteria to find a quiet table in a corner to eat my lunch and to prepare for my next round of meetings later this afternoon. I saw an empty table in a far corner open up, I started walking towards the table when I saw Kevin sitting alone at a table near by. I walked over and greeted him. Kevin looked up at me and said Hi Luke. I asked him if he would mind some company he said no, not at all. I asked him what brought him into the hospital. He then told me with a very sad look on his face that his dad is here in the hospital and isn't doing well. I was quite concerned for my friend and asked him what seemed to be wrong with his dad, Kevin told me that his dad is in congestive heart failure and, the Dr's don't think that he will make it through the night.

I so badly wanted to comfort Kevin in the worst way possible but, all I could do was express my deepest sympathy to him and his family. I told him I would be there for him if he needed a friend to talk to. I took a long look at Kevin and noticed how tired and worn out he looked. Kevin asked me if he looked as tired and worn out as he felt and, I told him I can only imagine the stress he's under. I remember the stress and pain when my family took vigil at the hospital when Grandma Snyder died. Kevin told me that he has been staying here at night while his mom is here during the day sitting with his dad. I asked how the rest of his family is doing; he said that his sister hasn't come home yet and, his mom seems to be doing okay but it's taking quite a toll on her too.

Kevin wanted to know how I was doing since the last time we talked I told him that things are going pretty good and, I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. All the while we were sitting there eating our lunch; I could tell that Kevin wanted to ask me something I looked up at him and asked what else was on his mind besides his dad.

Kevin told me that he needs an escape from all of the madness at his parents place. He wondered if I would be interested in some company possibly tonight that is if he could get somebody to sit with his dad. I told Kevin that I have an appointment at 6:00 p.m. tonight but, that I should be free that I told him I would give him a call when I got home. Kevin seemed to be okay with that. I looked at my watch and, told Kevin that I had a meeting starting soon and, I have to get going. We said our good byes and I told him that I would see him later tonight. As I was on my way to my next meeting, I got thinking about Kevin and what he and his family are going through right now. I was beginning to wish that I could be there with Kevin just to put my arms around him and, to make his troubles go away if only for a little while.

While I was in my next meeting, my mind kept wandering about Kevin and, thinking about how much he seemed to have changed over the years. Even now, I still think that he is very good looking even with the way he was dressed today. Kevin was wearing a light blue western style type shirt, which really matched his baby blue eyes not that I was noticing or anything like that though, and he was also wearing tight fitting, Wrangler Jeans. At one point while we were eating lunch, Kevin got up to get a refill on his coffee and, I could tell how great his ass looked in those Wranglers too. While I was watching Kevin, I think that I was drooling slightly with the way he was walking and, how he strutted in his black cowboy boots made me drool all the more but, I didn't want Kevin to know that I was drooling over him now, how embarrassing would that be to try to explain. I began to hope that was a chance for Kevin and I to rekindle the love we once shared.

My meeting was shorter than expected. So, after that, I decided to take a walk outside and get some fresh air and to clear my mind. While I was outside, I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be talking about in our session today. I do know that one of the things that I would like to address with her is how quickly Noah and my relationship evolved. While I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be covering today, I heard my phone ring and it was my sister Natalie who oversees the purchasing department at the hospital telling me that the meeting with purchasing has been postponed until next week. I was grateful that they decided to postpone their meeting because; I really wasn't in the mood for another meeting. So, since I had quite a time span between now and my appointment with Dr. Evans, I thought that it might be a good idea to head back to my office to relax for a little while. While I was in my office relaxing, my phone rang and it was Dr. Evans calling me to ask me if our appointment could be changed from 6:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m... I was actually thrilled for the change in time of our session since all of my meetings that I had scheduled for today are all said and done. I told Dr. Evans that 4:00 p.m. would be fine. Before I went down to see Dr. Evans, I made a check list as to what I wanted to talk to her about this time so that I wouldn't forget anything.

I made my way to Dr. Evans office for my next session and, I found myself a little early so, I waited a few moments before knocking on her door just to gather my thoughts because I'm sure she is going to want to know what I've been thinking about since our last session. While I was waiting for Dr. Evans, I saw Kevin walking around near his dad's room. I really felt bad for him knowing what he and his family are going through. All of a sudden I heard somebody say Hi Luke; I hope you weren't waiting too long. I turned and it was Dr. Evans. I told her no, I wasn't waiting all that long, I was just gathering my thoughts for what we're going to be covering today is all. She invited me into her office to get started with our session.

Dr. Evans wanted to know how I was doing this week; I told her that I'm doing pretty well. I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. Then, Dr. Evans reviewed what we talked about last time we met and, was quite eager to get started on this next session. She wanted to know more about my relationship with Noah. I told her that when Noah and I met in 2007, I knew then that I had feelings for him although, I never said anything to him right away, but when I finally did I think it took him by surprise. Dr. Evans asked me how I felt once I finally told Noah about my feelings for him. I told her that it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. She asked how Noah felt about me, I said, to be truthful, I think that he had some feelings for me too but, unlike me, he wasn't ready to shout it from the rooftops.

Dr. Evans was curious about our relationship and how quickly it went from friendship to a relationship. I explained to her that there really wasn't much of a friendship period to speak of. I told her that we met in June, we worked on some intern projects at WOAK and, then I told Dr. Evans about when Noah's dad made a surprise visit and offered to take Noah out for dinner which left Noah no time to plan anything or properly get ready. So, I went and got him a tie because he didn't have one. Noah had trouble getting his tie right, I fixed his tie and, it was after that, Noah kissed me. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I felt about that and, I told her that it really took my by surprise because I never thought that I would actually get a kiss from him. She wanted to know how Noah felt about that kiss; I told her that I don't think that even Noah knew how he felt about that. But that it was after that kiss that our relationship really took off.

Dr. Evans commented on the fact that Noah and I went from being friends to boyfriends in a matter of 2 months she wondered if that was a little bit too soon for us to be in a relationship. I told Dr. Evans that I never pushed Noah into a relationship that, I don't think that neither one of us was really and truly ready for. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I came to that conclusion and, I told her that I think Noah really struggled with his sexuality especially given how he had been reminded by his father. I also said that Noah had a really hard time calling me his boy friend when we were in public and, he had a really hard time saying I Love You. For a while there, I was beginning to wonder if I was good enough for Noah since he did have a hard time with calling me his boyfriend and saying that he loves me.

Dr. Evans seemed to think that Noah did have a lot of denial issues and the idea of coming out was quite scary for him. Dr. Evans asked if Noah had ever come out to his parents then, I told her about Noah's psychopath, homophobe dad and, how Noah's dad hated me. I told Dr. Evans that while Noah, I and his dad were on a fishing trip, that Noah's dad shot me and left me paralyzed. Dr. Evans still wanted know if Noah had come out to his dad, I told her yes, he did but, that is when all of his father's psychotic behaviors started coming out. Dr. Evans had commented that it sounds like mine and Noah's relationship had many challenges and, I agreed with her. Dr. Evans said that our session was over for today and, then said that I'm starting to make some progress she would like to continue seeing me.

After my session with Dr. Evans, I decided that I might as well go home but, before I left the hospital, I did manage to see Kevin to tell him that I will be home earlier than expected if he still planned on coming over. Kevin said that he is still coming over now that his sister is here to sit with his dad for the evening. He even said that he'll bring the beer if I supply the pizza I told Kevin that I can do the pizza and, that I'll be looking forward to seeing him around 7:30 p.m. I made my way home to get ready for Kevin's arrival I'm really looking forward to spending some more time with Kevin. When I get in the house, I check the answering machine for any calls and, the one message that I got was from Noah. Noah called just to see how I was since I haven't replied back to his email that he sent me. He also stated that he will be in Oakdale teaching a film making class as an adjunct professor at the University this summer and he would like it if we could get together while he is here. Oh God, I thought, so, Noah's coming back to Oakdale eh? Hmmm…am I really ready to see him again after all these years?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We divided ourselves into groups, one group went to work on the garage and the other group started working on the house. Who knew how much stuff 2 people actually had in 40years of married life. It's really a good thing we bought this big of a house when we did to hold all of our many treasures.

Now, it's nearing lunch time and I'm sitting out in the sun room when Faith and Natalie come looking for me. "Oh, there you are" Faith said. "Yeah, I'm just sitting here doing some thinking". I replied back. "So, what is you have been thinking about?" Natalie asked. "Well, I sighed I miss Reid, I miss him greatly and I don't know how I'm going to make it without him. We had so much that we wanted to see and do before he died. Who knew that his Alzheimers disease would be that fast." As my eyes started to fill up with tears.

"Oh Luke, Faith said you'll be just fine in your new condo, don't you worry about a thing. Yes, I know that it's easier said than done but, we'll all pitch in and help take good care of you just like you helped take good care of us when we were kids". I hugged them both and said, "What would I ever do without my younger sisters and brother to help me when I need it the most"? Natalie replied back, " Luke, we are glad that you helped take care of us and, this is our way of showing you that we do Love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As I was thinking about Reid I started to cry and, I realized that all of this cleaning and sorting is more difficult than I thought that it would be. So, I took a walk outside to get some fresh air and to check on how things were going with Parker and Ethan only to find that everything in the garage including my Buick LeSabre out on the front lawn and in the driveway. Ethan had walked up to me and was about to ask me a question about the contents of the garage when I told him, "I don't give a damn what you do with it" and stormed off.

Faith heard all of the commotion from inside and came out to see what the problem was. When Parker and Ethan told her that I had got upset at them, she found me sitting near the garden. She asked me what the commotion was all about and, when I couldn't give her a definite answer, she told me that I had no reason to get upset at what the guys were doing after all; I was the one who told them to work on the garage. Faith reminded me that this cleaning and sorting doesn't have to be done in one day, there is lots of time to do all of this all I have to do is have some patience which, is greatly lacking these days and, with good reason too.

While Faith and I were talking, Natalie walks over to where we are and, asks if we are going to be doing anymore cleaning today, when I told her that I think we are pretty much done for today and, I agreed to have Faith, Natalie and their kids over to work on this again soon.

Both Faith and Natalie agreed that I should go to find Ethan and apologize for my outburst. I took a walk towards the house to find Ethan and Parker putting things back in the garage. I walked over to Ethan and expressed my deepest apologizes to him for my outburst. I continued on to tell Ethan that I haven't had an easy time since Reid has been gone and, that there was no reason for my outburst. Ethan understood where I was coming from but, he did tell me that I have to move on with my life. He also told me that Reid was and always will be a big part of my life and, that he wouldn't want me to act this way. And, Ethan was right; I do need to move on with my life but, how the big question is.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4

I've been spending the last 2 days cleaning and sorting here and my emotions have finally gotten to me. So, to create a diversion I decided to give Ethan a call to see if he was able to have lunch and go over foundation business. After lunch, Ethan asked me what my plans were for the rest of the day and I told him that I have a Hospital Advisory Board Meeting later this afternoon. We said our good byes and went our separate ways.

I drove over to Oakdale Regional Medical Center to see how things are going since my leave of absence. Once inside, I was greeted by the receptionist. We talked for a few moments about the happenings here and, she asked me how things were going and, I said that things are going okay just taking one day at a time as the saying goes. As I walked towards my office, I was greeted by other hospital employees and, it was just then that I thought that it felt really good to be getting back to normal.

I reached my office and was warmly greeted by my secretary. She was excited to see me and, was curious as to why I was here. I told her that I had the Hospital Advisory Board Meeting in a few hours. She asked if I was coming back to work and, I said yes, I'll be back on Monday. I went to my desk and was checking my many emails and saw one that caught my eye. The email address was unfamiliar and all it said in the subject line was "Hello" which made me curious. I was hesitant on opening it because just recently there is the possibility of email viruses going around out there so, I didn't take any chances on opening it and, hit the delete icon.

After sorting through the rest of my emails, I glanced down at my watch and realized that it was almost time for the board meeting and, down to the board room I went. One of the items that were discussed at the meeting was the selection of the new Chief of Staff. Since our current long time Chief of Staff, Dr Chris Hughes has decided to retire. Chris' son, Dr Michael Hughes has been working here and has expressed an interest in the position. Chris' son and family just recently moved here from Llanview, Pa we decided to table the selection until next months meeting.

After the meeting it was around dinner time and, I was getting hungry but, I didn't want to eat at home alone. So, I called Casey and Allison to see if they would like to join me for dinner. We met at Al's where we talked and laughed for hours. I looked at my watch and noticed at how late it was getting but, we were still talking away. It just felt really good to talk about nothing of any great importance. I mentioned that I should be heading home and Casey and Allison said the same thing. So, I thanked Casey and Allison for their company, we hugged each other, said our good byes and went our separate ways.

I finally made my way home it's a good thing that I thought of leaving the porch light on because I'm still quite vulnerable about going into the house ever since Reid has been gone. Once inside, I quickly changed into a t-shirt and sweats, grabbed myself a non-alcoholic beer turned the computer on to check any emails and lo and behold, that same email I got at the hospital today, I got here as well. Now this was starting to make me frustrated. But, I still didn't think that I wanted to open it because there are a lot of strangers out there wanting to scam people out of money. But, the more I looked at that email, the more curious I got as to see who it was from.

So, I finally walked away from the computer to go to the mailbox and check to see if I had any regular mail after getting the mail, I walked back to the computer still staring at that email and, by now the anticipating was greatly mounting as to whether or not I wanted to even bother opening it. Having finishing my non-alcoholic beer, I thought that it tasted mighty damn good so, back to the refrigerator I went and, grabbed me one more and, I decided to open that email.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I finally opened up this email that I've only been staring at for 10 minutes. And, once I opened it, I just about fell out of my desk chair when I saw who it was from Noah Mayer! I was quite shocked not to mention surprised to have gotten an email from him after all these years.

As I was reading his email, all of those memories about us started to come back to me both good and bad. He wanted to know how everybody here in Oakdale was doing including my family. He especially wanted to know how Faith and Natalie were doing since he and the girls took such an instant liking towards each other years ago. And lastly, he wanted to know how Reid and I were doing. I guess he finally got over being so pissed off at Reid for supposedly stealing me away from him. Imagine, Noah still being mad about that after all these years.

He commented that he is doing well in Hollywood and has been directing a few movies in Europe with some big name stars too. And, he has done a few low budget movies too but, they are movies nonetheless. As I kept on reading his email, I couldn't help but wonder exactly how long it has been since either one of us had heard from the other. My guess would have been about 10yrs or better and, the last time basically I heard from him, he gave me the brush off what with his busy schedule and all.

Still quite flabbergasted by this email, I was beginning to wonder why now after all these years do I get an email from Noah. I would have thought by now, that he would have had found himself a great partner, rubbing elbows with big name stars, been seen at International film festivals, red carpet premiers and, at the Academy Awards. I need to really think long and hard if I want to correspond with Noah. His rejection, all those years ago still stings.

Checking my watch, I realized that it was after midnight and, I have drained off the last of my 4th non-alcoholic beer and should head to bed. Tomorrow I have various appointments and, lunch with my friend Maddie Colman and, I'm sure that she will want to hear that I got an email from Noah.

The next morning, Maddie called to see if we were still on for lunch and, I said yes, we sure are. I told her that I have a surprise to tell her, and she was quite curious as to what it was. I promised to tell her when we meet for lunch at The Lakeview. Maddie and I met at The Lakeview and, I told her my big surprise that I got an email from Noah. She was quite shocked and surprised by this. She wanted to know what all he had to say and, I told her. Then, she asked if I was going to reply or not, I simply told her that I would have to think about it but that I was hurt by his rejection all those years ago.

Maddie reminded me that we both made mistakes in our relationship and that maybe Noah has changed since that last email and, Perhaps he simply wants to rekindle our friendship and, that I should give him another chance and email him back. After thinking about what she told me, I decided that I would email him back at some point. I looked at my watch, told Maddie that I had go get going. We hugged, said our good byes and went our separate ways.

Finished with my appointed rounds for the day, I went back home and re-read Noah's email. Still thinking about whether or not to email him back, I thought about what Maddie said about giving him another chance and, maybe she is right after all it has been 10yrs since I last heard from him so, why not give it another try I guess it can't hurt. Too much anyways. I tried several times to write Noah back and, for some odd reason, I just couldn't do it I don't know if I wasn't in my right frame of mind or what but, something was gnawing at me but, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. So, I guess I have to give myself more time before I write back.

Feeling hungry, I found myself rummaging around in the kitchen cupboards for something to make for dinner and, nothing really looked good. Went to the basement to see what was in the freezer and there too, nothing looked all that good. I was thinking about what to do for dinner, when the phone rang and it was mom. She called to see how I was doing and, I told her that I'm doing okay for the most part. I asked how she was; she said that she was doing well too. She asked if I had any plans for dinner I said no, I have no plans so; she said to meet at Al's. We met at Al's and talked for hours. I told her that I heard from Noah for the first time in 10yrs and, she was quite surprised by that.

She wanted to know how he was and what was happening with him and, I told her. She then, wanted to know if I had plans on emailing him back I simply told her that I tried several times to write him back this evening and I just couldn't do it. I told her that I didn't seem to know what my problem was with this. She thought that maybe I should give it more time before I write I thought that all might be too but, how much time is the question here. I glanced at my watch and noticed that it was getting late I offered to pay for our dinner but, mom wouldn't have of it. So, I thanked her for dinner, we hugged each other and went on our way.

I didn't really want to go home so, I went for a walk in Old Town and, somehow I found myself at Java. I decided to go in, grab a cup of coffee, sit down and read the newspaper. Within a few moments after I walked in, Casey and Allison showed up. I waved them over to where I was sitting and they joined me. We got talking about things going on here in Oakdale and, then I told them that I got an email from Noah. And, even they were surprised about this. They both wanted to know what all he had to say in his email and, I told them that he is doing well and, that he basically wanted to know how things were here in Oakdale.

I did tell them that I tried several times tonight to email him back but, I for the life of me couldn't figure out why I couldn't do it. But, at the same time, I was wondering what exactly he could have wanted after all these years. It was just then that Allison had a good idea. She wanted to know if I had ever been to a counselor before. Curious as to why she would even ask such a question, Allison thought that maybe I just might have some animosity towards Noah for all of the things he put me though in the past. And, after giving what Allison said some thought, she might have a point about the fact that I might need to see a counselor to deal with all of this. I asked if she knew of somebody since she is, after all a Nurse. She said she would check around and would let me know who would be a good one for me to see.

Allison called me 2 days later and told me that she found a counselor, the counselors' name, Dr. Marlena Evans a very renowned Psychologist from Salem, Ma who just happens to be in Oakdale this week giving a Psychologists' Seminar at the Hospital. I told Allison to ask Dr. Evans if she would see me while she is here in Oakdale.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Allison called to let me know that I have an appointment with Dr. Evans next week. I am greatly relieved that I have the opportunity to talk to somebody who can help me put to rest all of this unwanted baggage that I've been carrying around with me all these years. Truthfully, I should have had counseling years ago especially dealing with Damien. I thanked Allison for setting up my appointment.

It has been one week since I received Noah's email and I still haven't bothered to reply back. I'm still having a lot of hesitation as to what to say to him after all these years. I mean it isn't like we can just pick up right where we left off at 10 years ago. For God Sakes, I've changed and I would certainly hope that Noah has changed. Maybe if I ignore his email long enough that maybe Noah will get the message that I'm just not interested in rekindling our friendship. I mean, I've gone this long without Noah Mayer in my life so, what are a few more years?

I am going back to work tomorrow at the Hospital for the first time in 6 weeks. I'm not sure that I'm ready to go back to work but, it is something that I have to do get my life back in order once again. As I was doing some laundry, Natalie stopped by to see how I'm doing and, even brought dinner with her, Pizza from Al's. We got talking about Noah and I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to or for that matter how to reconnect our friendship given the time that has passed. Natalie seems to think that I should reply back because of the history that we shared. And, I knew that she was right we did share a history together. We finished dinner; Natalie went home and wished me well on my first day back to work tomorrow.

I finished deciding what to wear to work tomorrow, got myself ready for bed wearing a pair of Reid's pajamas. I still haven't been able to sleep in our bedroom since Reid has been gone. I've been sleeping in the smaller bedroom just down the hall from ours. Our bedroom is still the same way it was the night Reid died with the hospital bed being where our queen size bed was and all of the other medical devices that are still in there. I keep thinking that I should call the medical supply place and have them come and pick up this stuff but, I know that I have to make myself do this because nobody else is going to do this for me. Guess that's one more thing to put on my to-do list. Every time I walk past our room, I have to put my hand on our bedroom door to feel a sense of Reid's presence.

I'm ready to go back to work this morning. I'm both anxious and thrilled at this point to be getting on with my life although, this will be a challenge but, it's something that I have to do. Once I get to the Hospital, I'm greeted by a huge banner hanging in the lobby "Welcome Back Mr. Snyder." When I saw that banner, I remembered how Reid use to call me, "Mr. Snyder". I certainly appreciated the gesture by the employees and the board members.

My first day back to work went really well and, for that I was truly grateful. Some of the Hospital office staff was going over to The Lakeview for dinner and cocktails. I was invited to come along but, was kind of hesitant about going but, little did I know who else was invited but, Chris and Katie Hughes. I was glad to see them and also glad to be spending a little bit of time with them since, we don't get to see much of each other these days especially with their expected move to Arizona in the near future. I asked Katie when it is that they will be leaving Oakdale for Phoenix, Katie said they plan to leave in 2 months. I'm not really looking forward to them leaving but, they are both retired now and, don't want to spend another long winter in Illinois, which I can't blame them and, if I were retired, I'd certainly want to be out of Oakdale. Well, maybe not emotionally but, physically I would.

Chris and Katie did say that once they get themselves all settled on their condominium that I would be more than welcome to come out there for a visit. The thought of going out to see them for a week during the winter was really starting to sound good to me. Walking towards the patio to get some fresh air, I went to the bar to get a club soda when I heard a voice say, Hi Luke. I turned around to see who was saying hi to me and it was Kevin Davis. I was quite surprised to see him here in Oakdale after all these years. I asked Kevin what brought him back to town and, he told me he came to see his parents who aren't doing really well physically. We made some small talk and, I asked Kevin if it were possible that while he is here, if we could get together just to talk and, to my surprise he accepted. Kevin told me that he is staying at The Lakeview and gave me his phone number. Kevin told me that he had to get going and, that we will see each other again very soon.

I finally made my way to the patio to get some fresh air when Katie followed me and asked who the guy was that I was talking to at the bar. I told her that it was Kevin Davis a guy that I went to school with. She asked if that was the same guy that I had a crush on at one time and, I told her yes, the very same one. Katie asked if I will be getting together with him to talk at some point and, I told her yes we will be doing that while he is here. Katie seemed pleased that I'm starting to move on with my life, she hugged me and told how proud of me she is that I'm making a step towards moving on. The evening at The Lakeview is winding down and, I find Chris and Katie to tell them that it's time for me to go home. I thanked them for a great evening and for getting me out of the house.

On the way home I had a small smile across my face at the thought of seeing Kevin Davis for the first time in many years and, he still looks the same as he did way back in high school with his blond hair and muscular body. I was sort of wondering if perhaps Kevin would want to rekindle or friendship that we once had. I know that I would like that but, I can't speak for Kevin though. Once I got home, I made my way to the living room just to relax and to think and, the thoughts of Kevin started running through my mind all those memories that he and I once shared started coming back and ah yes, I thought, all those memories, especially the one of giving him a back rub and, even that piece of memory certainly put a smile on my face among other things too.

Thinking of Kevin's hot, muscular body, I started getting a yearning to "take care of matters" I found myself walking over to the DVD player and putting in a porn movie and started watching it all the while fantasizing about Kevin and his blond hair and muscular body I started getting a hard on and, it was very much apparent that I was in need of some attention. Half way through the movie, I dropped my pants and, started masturbating myself and, images of Reid and Kevin started dancing in my head. Those images of me making love to both Reid and Kevin over the years God, how I miss those days, I thought. Moments before shooting my cum, I felt a wild surge go through my body as if Reid had been here all this time and within a matter of moments after that strong surge went through me, I screamed out Reid's name like I've never screamed before and, came all over me.

Having finally settled down from reaching my climax, a calming feeling fell over me and, it was as if Reid had been here this whole time and knowing this made me relax even more, so much more that I fell asleep half naked on the living room floor dreaming about Reid and Kevin.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The next morning, I woke up to having spent the night on the living room floor with the TV still going and every light in the house on. Still in a bit of sleepy daze, I was wondering how I ended up sleeping on the floor then it occurred to me as to how that happened. My half naked body and semi hard on were the tell tale signs as to what happened last night. Still wondering if I was dreaming or if I actually did masturbate, I felt something dried on my stomach and it was at that point that I knew that I wasn't dreaming.

I finally was awake enough to pull up my pants and make my way upstairs to get a shower and change clothes. It really is a good thing that our house sits further back from the road and has lots of trees around because, I'm quite sure that I really wouldn't want to give the neighbors a peep show. Although, Reid and I have been known to be adventurous when it comes to having sex in more places than in the house, like for example we've had sex in some secluded parts of our yard before.

Having decided to work from home today, I started checking hospital emails and answering anything that was important, and faxed reports to the board members for the upcoming board meeting. All the while I found myself thinking about Kevin and just how good looking he still is after all these years. My thoughts kept going back to the time when I gave him that back rub and all the while I was really wishing that it could have turned into something more but, it never did.

While I was still in my thoughts about Kevin, I heard my phone ring and to my surprise it was Kevin. He wanted to know if I had any lunch plans for today and, I had none so, he invited me to meet with him at The Lakeview. We met at The Lakeview and started talking about when we were in high school and such. Kevin wanted to know what I've been doing since high school and I told him that I'm the Hospital Administrator, have no children, had a partner and his name was Dr. Reid Oliver. Kevin asked what happened with Reid and, I told him that Reid passed away a short time ago. Kevin was surprised by what I told him. He had always thought that Noah and I would still be together but, I told him that we parted in 2010.

I asked Kevin what he has been doing since high school and, he told me that he has been in Arizona for the last 10yrs, is a television station manager, 2 children and is divorced. I asked Kevin what lead to their divorce and he told me that he came out to his wife. I asked if he had a significant other and, he said no, he doesn't but, he did have a relationship with a newscaster at the same station that they worked at in Springfield. So, rather than Kevin and the newscaster getting fired, they both resigned. The newscaster took a position in New York and, Kevin took a position in Arizona. This all happened about 12yrs ago and, Kevin hasn't seen him since they left Springfield. I was quite taken by what Kevin told me about himself but, something was telling me to go cautiously with this.

Kevin told me that he had to go but, before he left, he asked if we could get together again soon. I told Kevin that I would like that very much. Thinking about what Kevin told me, I decided to do a little research on Kevin to see if exactly what he told me is the truth because he has been known to stretch the truth in the past so, I thought that it would be best to err on the side of caution. Once I did my research on Kevin, it turns out that what he told me is the true yes, he is divorced, yes, he has 2 children, yes he lives in Arizona and, yes he is single. The more I kept thinking about Kevin the more I want to get to know him again. So, will see where that leads.

After my meeting with Kevin, it was time for my long-awaited appointment with Dr. Evans. I am hoping to get rid of all of this unwanted baggage that I've been carrying around with me all these years. We met each other in her office where she then asked me what brought me to her. I proceeded to tell her about my relationship with Noah and, how our relationship had evolved from when we first met in 2007 until he left for California in 2010. Dr. Evans seemed quite impressed with the length of time that we were together but, she wanted to know more about our relationship and, why I felt I was the one who was always giving my all. I also told her about how Noah used to keep me at arms length until one day; I ended our relationship and, found somebody else, namely, my late Partner, Dr. Reid Oliver.

Dr. Evans wanted to know more about Reid and how we came to be. I told her about how I basically blackmailed Reid to coming from Dallas to Oakdale to help Noah. Well, when we first met, Reid was cold, arrogant, and rude and, let's not forget brilliant. And, he let everybody know that he was a brilliant neurosurgeon not to mention savior of man-kind. With that ending our first session, Dr. Evans said that she would like to keep meeting at least once a week. She did make mention to me that she will be joining the staff here at Oakdale Regional Medical Center after the Psychologist' Seminar in a month. I thanked Dr. Evans for the opportunity to meet with her and to talk and, look forward to talking to her again soon.

On my way home from talking with Dr. Evans, I stopped by Oakdale Home Furnishings just to look around for a bit for nothing in particular really, until I got over to the bedroom sets it was then, that I noticed the most beautiful oak bedroom set that I have ever seen. Just as I was looking the set over, the salesperson walked over to ask if they could be of any assistance, I told the salesperson, yes, you can be, how soon can this bedroom set be delivered to my home? The salesperson replied back, that it can be delivered in 2 weeks. I then told the salesperson, that I'll take it and, gave her my address as to where to deliver it to. The salesperson then asked if I would need a mattress and box springs set too, I replied yes, I will need that too; I picked out a Queen Size, pillow top mattress. I paid for my purchase and made my way home.

As I was on my way home, a smile grew across my face because today, I made another step towards getting my life back together once again. Once I reached home, I made an important phone call to the medical supply place and, to have them come and pick up the hospital bed and medical devices. Up the stairs I went to our bedroom and with my eyes closed, I slowly opened the bedroom door. Not wanting to look at what was there but, I knew that I had to so, in my mind, I counted to 3 and then opened my eyes looked around and, took a good, long look at what needed to be done. I knew that I couldn't hang on to these things any more not if I wanted my life back so, I stepped further into the room, walked over towards the windows, drew open the drapes and, opened the windows to let some fresh air and sunshine in.

Back downstairs I went and waited for the medical supply people and, while waiting for them to come, I kept thinking as to what needs to be done to get that bedroom back into shape within 2 weeks and, by God, it will get done. Once the medical supply people came and took the hospital equipment, I went back upstairs to take a look around once again and, my eyes began to fill up with tears, it was then that I realized that I miss Reid now more than ever before. It was going to be hard to pack up all of Reid's things and, it was going to be even harder as I start going through his things but, it was at that moment where I could hear Reid say, "Oh for God Sakes, Snyder, quit crying and suck it up, take it like a man and move on with your life".


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I received a phone call from Oakdale Home Furnishings today telling me that I won a $3,000.00 room make over contest with the help of a famous TV designer. I entered the contest when I bought my bedroom set and, since I did win the contest, I get my bedroom set for free so, that's $2,500.00 that I spent on my oak bedroom set, I'll be getting back a refund. I was quite surprised that I even won the contest I had even debated on entering because I didn't think that I'd have a ghost of a chance of winning. The furniture store told me that Alex Jarvis from the Home Improvement Channel show "Room to Improve" would be contacting me within a few days to set up an in-home consultation to look at the room that I would like done.

Within a few days of the furniture store calling me, I got the phone call from Alex Jarvis to set up the in-home consultation he will be here Friday afternoon at 3:00 p.m. I was so excited about the room make over and having THE Alex Jarvis designing it that I called Casey and Allison to share my good news and, they were excited for me.

Alex Jarvis arrives at 3:00 p.m. we introduce ourselves and, I show Alex in. Alex comments on what a beautiful home I have and, I thanked him for the compliment. Alex asked how long I've owned our English tutor home and, I told him that Reid and I bought this house in 2011. Alex wanted to know which room I would like done and, I told him the master bedroom would be the room that I would like done. Alex also wanted to know if I would be keeping the bedroom in the same style as the rest of the house and, I said yes, it would be the same style as the rest of the house.

Alex asked if there would be any pieces of furniture that I would like to have incorporated into the overall design of the room I told him that I have a wing back chair and matching ottoman and a loveseat that I would like to be incorporated into the room. I took Alex upstairs and showed him the master bedroom he was quite impressed with the overall size of the room I then, showed him the chair and loveseat that I want to be a part of the design. While we were upstairs, Alex measured the room and also measured the windows for the window treatments. Alex wanted to know if the master bathroom was going to be a part of the make over and, I told him that it could just use a fresh coat of paint and a few accessories, everything else is fine.

We went back downstairs to talk more about the bedroom set that I just bought and how it would tie in nicely to the overall design of the room. Alex asked what color palate that I would like to see in the room and I felt that earth tones would be a good choice for the room. Alex wanted to know about floor covering and, I told him that there are hard wood floors under the carpet and, that I'm not opposed to incorporating them into the room. Then, we talked about window treatments and, I told Alex, nothing dark and heavy looking, maybe something with a pattern perhaps. Lastly, we talked about accessories and artwork. I thought that maybe some antique pottery vases maybe Hull, Roseville or even McCoy would be a nice touch. Artwork, I thought that maybe some simple prints would be good choice too. As for lighting, the bedside lamps could be antique brass and in the sitting area could also be antique brass.

We also talked more about the bedroom and what other design options that is out on the market now. I told Alex about my idea of a "memory wall" and, he seemed to think that would be a nice touch to the room too but, I didn't know for sure about doing that either. Alex said to let him know before he comes back so that he can incorporate them into the design.

Alex told me that he would be back within a few days with the design, color samples, fabric samples, and accessory choices for the bedroom. I thanked him for coming and looked forward to seeing him again soon. After he left, Allison called to see if Alex had left, I told her that he has left and, that she and Casey are more than welcome to come over if they so choose. A little while later, Casey and Allison come over and, wanted to know how things went with Alex. I told them that things went really well and, he will be back in a few days with his design proposal for the bedroom.

The next day, Faith came over and wanted to know if I still wanted to do a "memory wall" in the bedroom with pictures of Reid and I but, I was thinking about that and, I felt that there are just too many pictures of us so, I just went with keeping the furniture in the room and, I really want to get my life back in order. So, I told Faith that we'll buy new photo albums and put all those pictures in them. So, I contacted Alex right away and, told him not to bother incorporating the "memory wall" in the design.

A few days later, Alex came over with the design for the bedroom and, he took into account all of my preferences that I told him about. I was greatly impressed by what he had done with the room and he even incorporated some things into the design that weren't really addressed but, seemed to work out pretty good, like the placement of the flat screen TV about the fireplace. Alex left me with the design for a few days so that I could really look at all the selections he chose and, he would be contacting me in a few days to ask for my decision and whether or not I like his design. Everybody else who has seen the design is really impressed with it and, I gave him the go ahead with the project.

A few days later, work begins in the bedroom and, so far it looks like it's going pretty good. Alex and his crew are busy working and, I have been instructed by Alex himself that I am to stay out of the bedroom until work is complete. I'm so curious to see how things are going in there but, I will just have to wait and be surprised. The other day, Faith was helping me put pictures of Reid and I into photo albums and, she came across something and, made a mad dash to the computer to type something up on very nice looking paper. I asked her what she was doing and all I could get out of her was that it's a surprise. So, when she was done doing whatever it was she was doing, she hurried off to find Alex and, gave whatever it was to him. I guess I'll find out what that something was that Faith gave to Alex soon enough.

Today, Alex has the bedroom finished and, is going to reveal it to me as soon as the last of the accessories are placed which according to Alex, shouldn't be much longer. As I wait for Alex to finish the room, I was thinking back to the last time that the bedroom was redecorated and it was Reid and I who picked out everything for the room; well it was actually me who picked things out. Reid didn't care as long as he had a bed to sleep on and a place to put his clothes and he was happy as a clam. I hear Alex's voice from upstairs telling me that the room is complete and, I make my way upstairs and, at the top of the stairs, Alex is waiting for me. Alex told me that he knows that it has been a really long time since this room has been done and, there were lots of memories associated with the way it use to look so, Alex told me to close my eyes, count to 3 and open the door to see just what is behind that door.

I opened the door to see what was behind the bedroom door and, I just couldn't believe my eyes at just how beautiful the bedroom looked. I don't even remember seeing the bedroom look this good in a really long time, I thought. I stepped further into the bedroom to get a really good look at what all had been done. My new oak bedroom set really looked nice against the eggshell colored walls, I even noticed the mocha bedspread with the rust and moss green throw pillows on the bed which really worked out well. The drapes were done in earth tone plaids which made the room look larger. As I continued to make my way around the room, I could hear quiet whispers coming from Faith and Natalie and, then I came over to the sitting area and, found Reid's chair upholstered in a mocha plaid with his royal blue crochet afghan on the back of the chair. The loveseat was upholstered in moss green with brick red throw pillows.

Looking around the room further, I noticed the accent pieces and the brass lamps by the bed and in the sitting area. Alex asked if everything was to my satisfaction and, I told him yes, most definitely. Alex told me that the bathroom is done too and, that I should go ant take a look at it. I walked into the bathroom and, it was painted the same color as the rest of the bedroom and, had moss green, brick red and mocha guest towels on the towel bar an earth tone plaid window valance and, a moss green shower curtain. Faith said that there is something on the fireplace mantle that I didn't see that I should come out and take a look at. I walked over to the fireplace mantle and noticed the flat screen TV above the fireplace but, upon closer inspection, I found a poem that I wrote to Reid right after we first met called, "I never realized". Faith told me that this was the thing that she found while we were going through pictures that she had typed up on much nicer paper than what I had it written on and, gave it to Alex to have matted and framed.

I told Alex that he and his staff did a beautiful job with the bedroom and, that I think Reid would have been pleased with the way the room turned out. I thanked them for their hard work. Every one else who saw the bedroom commented on how well the room really looked.

Poem: "I never realized"

I never realized from the moment that I met you, how my life has changed.

I never realized from the moment that I met you; I was going be in love with you.

I never realized from the moment that I met you, that I want to spend time with you.

I never realized from the moment that I met you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I never realized from the moment that I met you, just how much I Love You.

L. A. Snyder 2011


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

After what seemed like a long time before I could ever sleep in the same bedroom that Reid and I shared for a long time, it really and truly felt wonderful to finally be able to sleep on my new bed in my newly redecorated bedroom. It isn't that I didn't want to sleep in our bedroom after Reid passed away but, I would be looking at the same color on the walls, the same drapes that hung in the windows; virtually everything would still be the same except for Reid. So, by redecorating the bedroom, I'm putting the past behind me and moving on with my future. I know that Reid isn't here physically but, he will always be in my heart.

I finally made my way out of bed even though, I didn't really want to but, I had to get on with my days since I have an extremely busy day ahead of me today at the hospital filled with meetings galore and not to mention setting up my next session with Dr. Evans. Even though, our first session was just an initial start it will be quite a relief to talk to her about all of this unwanted baggage that I've been carrying around with me all these years. I seem to remember once that my mom tried to get me to go see a therapist to talk about my feelings but, I just thought that it was just a crock of bull. Now that I've matured a little I realize the importance counseling can have.

Before I went to my first meeting of the day, I called Dr. Evans to set up our next session she tells me that she has an opening for later this evening at 6:00 p.m. I told her that 6:00 p.m. would be just fine and, I'm really looking forward to meeting with Dr. Evans once again.

I was in between meetings so, I went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. I was looking around the cafeteria to find a quiet table in a corner to eat my lunch and to prepare for my next round of meetings later this afternoon. I saw an empty table in a far corner open up, I started walking towards the table when I saw Kevin sitting alone at a table near by. I walked over and greeted him. Kevin looked up at me and said Hi Luke. I asked him if he would mind some company he said no, not at all. I asked him what brought him into the hospital. He then told me with a very sad look on his face that his dad is here in the hospital and isn't doing well. I was quite concerned for my friend and asked him what seemed to be wrong with his dad, Kevin told me that his dad is in congestive heart failure and, the Dr's don't think that he will make it through the night.

I so badly wanted to comfort Kevin in the worst way possible but, all I could do was express my deepest sympathy to him and his family. I told him I would be there for him if he needed a friend to talk to. I took a long look at Kevin and noticed how tired and worn out he looked. Kevin asked me if he looked as tired and worn out as he felt and, I told him I can only imagine the stress he's under. I remember the stress and pain when my family took vigil at the hospital when Grandma Snyder died. Kevin told me that he has been staying here at night while his mom is here during the day sitting with his dad. I asked how the rest of his family is doing; he said that his sister hasn't come home yet and, his mom seems to be doing okay but it's taking quite a toll on her too.

Kevin wanted to know how I was doing since the last time we talked I told him that things are going pretty good and, I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. All the while we were sitting there eating our lunch; I could tell that Kevin wanted to ask me something I looked up at him and asked what else was on his mind besides his dad.

Kevin told me that he needs an escape from all of the madness at his parents place. He wondered if I would be interested in some company possibly tonight that is if he could get somebody to sit with his dad. I told Kevin that I have an appointment at 6:00 p.m. tonight but, that I should be free that I told him I would give him a call when I got home. Kevin seemed to be okay with that. I looked at my watch and, told Kevin that I had a meeting starting soon and, I have to get going. We said our good byes and I told him that I would see him later tonight. As I was on my way to my next meeting, I got thinking about Kevin and what he and his family are going through right now. I was beginning to wish that I could be there with Kevin just to put my arms around him and, to make his troubles go away if only for a little while.

While I was in my next meeting, my mind kept wandering about Kevin and, thinking about how much he seemed to have changed over the years. Even now, I still think that he is very good looking even with the way he was dressed today. Kevin was wearing a light blue western style type shirt, which really matched his baby blue eyes not that I was noticing or anything like that though, and he was also wearing tight fitting, Wrangler Jeans. At one point while we were eating lunch, Kevin got up to get a refill on his coffee and, I could tell how great his ass looked in those Wranglers too. While I was watching Kevin, I think that I was drooling slightly with the way he was walking and, how he strutted in his black cowboy boots made me drool all the more but, I didn't want Kevin to know that I was drooling over him now, how embarrassing would that be to try to explain. I began to hope that was a chance for Kevin and I to rekindle the love we once shared.

My meeting was shorter than expected. So, after that, I decided to take a walk outside and get some fresh air and to clear my mind. While I was outside, I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be talking about in our session today. I do know that one of the things that I would like to address with her is how quickly Noah and my relationship evolved. While I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be covering today, I heard my phone ring and it was my sister Natalie who oversees the purchasing department at the hospital telling me that the meeting with purchasing has been postponed until next week. I was grateful that they decided to postpone their meeting because; I really wasn't in the mood for another meeting. So, since I had quite a time span between now and my appointment with Dr. Evans, I thought that it might be a good idea to head back to my office to relax for a little while. While I was in my office relaxing, my phone rang and it was Dr. Evans calling me to ask me if our appointment could be changed from 6:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m... I was actually thrilled for the change in time of our session since all of my meetings that I had scheduled for today are all said and done. I told Dr. Evans that 4:00 p.m. would be fine. Before I went down to see Dr. Evans, I made a check list as to what I wanted to talk to her about this time so that I wouldn't forget anything.

I made my way to Dr. Evans office for my next session and, I found myself a little early so, I waited a few moments before knocking on her door just to gather my thoughts because I'm sure she is going to want to know what I've been thinking about since our last session. While I was waiting for Dr. Evans, I saw Kevin walking around near his dad's room. I really felt bad for him knowing what he and his family are going through. All of a sudden I heard somebody say Hi Luke; I hope you weren't waiting too long. I turned and it was Dr. Evans. I told her no, I wasn't waiting all that long, I was just gathering my thoughts for what we're going to be covering today is all. She invited me into her office to get started with our session.

Dr. Evans wanted to know how I was doing this week; I told her that I'm doing pretty well. I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. Then, Dr. Evans reviewed what we talked about last time we met and, was quite eager to get started on this next session. She wanted to know more about my relationship with Noah. I told her that when Noah and I met in 2007, I knew then that I had feelings for him although, I never said anything to him right away, but when I finally did I think it took him by surprise. Dr. Evans asked me how I felt once I finally told Noah about my feelings for him. I told her that it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. She asked how Noah felt about me, I said, to be truthful, I think that he had some feelings for me too but, unlike me, he wasn't ready to shout it from the rooftops.

Dr. Evans was curious about our relationship and how quickly it went from friendship to a relationship. I explained to her that there really wasn't much of a friendship period to speak of. I told her that we met in June, we worked on some intern projects at WOAK and, then I told Dr. Evans about when Noah's dad made a surprise visit and offered to take Noah out for dinner which left Noah no time to plan anything or properly get ready. So, I went and got him a tie because he didn't have one. Noah had trouble getting his tie right, I fixed his tie and, it was after that, Noah kissed me. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I felt about that and, I told her that it really took my by surprise because I never thought that I would actually get a kiss from him. She wanted to know how Noah felt about that kiss; I told her that I don't think that even Noah knew how he felt about that. But that it was after that kiss that our relationship really took off.

Dr. Evans commented on the fact that Noah and I went from being friends to boyfriends in a matter of 2 months she wondered if that was a little bit too soon for us to be in a relationship. I told Dr. Evans that I never pushed Noah into a relationship that, I don't think that neither one of us was really and truly ready for. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I came to that conclusion and, I told her that I think Noah really struggled with his sexuality especially given how he had been reminded by his father. I also said that Noah had a really hard time calling me his boy friend when we were in public and, he had a really hard time saying I Love You. For a while there, I was beginning to wonder if I was good enough for Noah since he did have a hard time with calling me his boyfriend and saying that he loves me.

Dr. Evans seemed to think that Noah did have a lot of denial issues and the idea of coming out was quite scary for him. Dr. Evans asked if Noah had ever come out to his parents then, I told her about Noah's psychopath, homophobe dad and, how Noah's dad hated me. I told Dr. Evans that while Noah, I and his dad were on a fishing trip, that Noah's dad shot me and left me paralyzed. Dr. Evans still wanted know if Noah had come out to his dad, I told her yes, he did but, that is when all of his father's psychotic behaviors started coming out. Dr. Evans had commented that it sounds like mine and Noah's relationship had many challenges and, I agreed with her. Dr. Evans said that our session was over for today and, then said that I'm starting to make some progress she would like to continue seeing me.

After my session with Dr. Evans, I decided that I might as well go home but, before I left the hospital, I did manage to see Kevin to tell him that I will be home earlier than expected if he still planned on coming over. Kevin said that he is still coming over now that his sister is here to sit with his dad for the evening. He even said that he'll bring the beer if I supply the pizza I told Kevin that I can do the pizza and, that I'll be looking forward to seeing him around 7:30 p.m. I made my way home to get ready for Kevin's arrival I'm really looking forward to spending some more time with Kevin. When I get in the house, I check the answering machine for any calls and, the one message that I got was from Noah. Noah called just to see how I was since I haven't replied back to his email that he sent me. He also stated that he will be in Oakdale teaching a film making class as an adjunct professor at the University this summer and he would like it if we could get together while he is here. Oh God, I thought, so, Noah's coming back to Oakdale eh? Hmmm…am I really ready to see him again after all these years?


End file.
